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THE TRUTH ABOUT MOM GUILT

July 5, 2017

By July 5, 2017parenting
mom guilt

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Button Front Maxi Dress c/o Shein | Hazel’s Striped Dress c/o Zutano| Hazel’s Bow | Shag Rug

When you’re pregnant, you hear a lot  advice and stories about being a mom, but the one thing nobody warns you about is “mom guilt”. As a mom, you feel guilty about almost everything. When my husband gets up in the morning with Hazel so I can sleep in, but by the time I wake up, it’s close to her morning nap so I feel guilty for sleeping in instead of spending time with her and worry that she feels abandoned by me. When I have to make a phone call while she’s awake instead of waiting until her nap like I normally do, and then I worry that she’s only going to remember me as the mom who is always on her phone even though I was only on the phone in front of her for 5 minutes. When we go out to dinner with friends and I don’t give her as much attention as I normally do so I feel bad for not talking to her and playing with her as much as I do at home. And then if your child has any medical problems that takes your guilt to a whole new level. Did I do something while I was pregnant that caused this? Is it because I basically lived off of Top Ramen in my first trimester because it was the only thing that didn’t make me want to puke? If I had eaten healthier would it have made a difference? And when Hazel struggled with weight gain, I felt guilty for not producing enough milk. And when she was born with hip dysplasia from being breech my entire pregnancy, I felt like it was my fault because I chose not to have her flipped. But the reason I chose not to flip her was because I had heard stories of babies who died when they were flipped and I didn’t want that to happen to my baby, so I thought I was making the right decision but maybe I wasn’t? I’m telling you, it doesn’t matter what it is, big or small, the mom guilt is endless. Basically, if I’m not giving Hazel 100% of my attention 100% of the time, then I feel guilty. And I know I’m not the only mom who feels that way. But giving 100% of ourselves 100% of the time is a completely unrealistic expectation, so why do we as moms put so much pressure on ourselves? We can’t do everything all of the time. It’s ok to let daddy or grandma or your friend help out when you need it. There’s no reason to feel guilty for occasionally sleeping in. There’s no reason to feel guilty for having some “me time”. There’s no reason to feel guilty for not doing absolutely everything right or not making the right decision every time or not being perfect. Nobody’s perfect. We are all doing the best we can and we all love our children, and that’s what’s really important. So I say let’s get rid of the mom guilt and focus on all the thing we did right today…although, that’s easier said than done. As I’m typing this, Hazel woke up early from her nap and is now playing with Daddy and I’m feeling guilty for not being with her right now. So maybe tomorrow will finally be the day I say goodbye to mom guilt…I doubt it. Haha!

XO, Kacie

Also on Elements of Ellis

5 Comments

  • Sarah says:

    Oh girl, I hear ya. Especially the part about when you said that Hazel struggled with weight gain. My daughter, Ruby, did too because I wasn’t producing enough milk either. Of course when you’re trying to get your milk supply up, stressing out about her not gaining weight doesn’t help the matter haha. I’m sure the whole mom guilt thing is never ending. I know I feel it everyday & Ruby just turned 9 months old today. You’re doing great, mama! Hazel seems like she’s going to turn out to be a great person because of you!

    • Kacie says:

      Yes!…the stress of not producing makes you produce even less! It’s a vicious cycle! lol. I was feeling mom guilt today too so I think you’re right and it’s never ending. I just want to be the best mom to her because she’s the best and deserves the best. But I think feeling the guilt and wanting to be the best mom is the way you know you’re doing a good job 🙂 You’re doing great too! Ruby is adorable! I just read her 9 month update on your blog…the flower 9 is so cute! And oh my gosh, Hazel loves to pull herself up on the bathtub too. It seems like a dangerous place to stand (especially when she’s in the tub. Ha!), but I guess there’s really no stopping these girls of ours. lol.

  • I hear you on this big time girl. We feel like our children are going to remember the 1% of time as opposed to the 99% of time we actually do spend with them!

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