In motherhood, there is so much pressure and judgement to be the “perfect mom”. To have an all natural birth, exclusively breastfeed for at least the first year, only feed your baby organic food, use essential oils as medicine, and the list goes on. If those are all things that you want to do and that work for your family, then that’s awesome! But if not, don’t beat yourself up over it.
I had a scheduled c-section due to a breech baby, breastfeeding didn’t work out for me, and I don’t know much about essential oils (although I do have a kit of them but I’m still totally clueless on how/when to use them). And to be honest, there were definitely times I felt like I a bad mom (and there are still time I feel like a bad mom). Especially when other moms would comment that I “took the easy way out” by having a c-section and “women have been having babies naturally for years, it’s what our bodies are made for” or “breastfeeding is easy, you just need to take a bubble bath to relax and then your milk will start pouring out”. I’d smile politely and then cry about it later in the shower. Questioning everything and blaming myself. Because what those mom’s didn’t know was that we had so many other medical things going on (I promise I’ll share more on that later) that I was already struggling with and feeling guilty and hopeless and fearful about. I didn’t need to hear their comments and feel their judgment on top of it all. Having a c-section wasn’t the easy way out, it was the safest way out. It’s also a painful way out with a long recovery that made it painful to sit, stand, walk, laugh, cry, smile, etc. Not all women’s bodies were made for child birth, women used to die during child birth before modern medicine came up with things like a c-section. And breastfeeding doesn’t always come easy and there are some stresses in life that can’t be cured with a bubble bath.
But the thing I’ve realized is, Hazel won’t remember if I pushed her out my vagina or if she was pulled out of my stomach. She won’t remember is she sucked on my boob to get milk or if she sucked it out of a bottle. What she will remember is us spending time together. She’ll remember dancing in the kitchen while I cook dinner, she’ll remember our long talks during our walk around the neighborhood, she’ll remember our family vacations and singing songs in the car and laughing and having fun together. She’ll remember a happy mom because I stopped stressing about being a “perfect mom” and I just enjoyed being her mom. She’ll remember being loved. And hopefully, with any luck, she’ll look back on her childhood and say “I had a perfect mom”, just like I look back on my childhood and say “I had a perfect mom” too.